How Do We Stay Connected During Difficult Conversations?

Brave Space, Real Talk: Using the CLARA Method to Navigate Hard Conversations

Field Notes | Freya + Co
February 2, 2026

Things feel tense right now.

In Minnesota and across the country, conversations feel sharper. Trust feels thinner. Many people are carrying fear, frustration, and fatigue into rooms where we are still expected to collaborate, make decisions, and move work forward together.

That tension shows up in public meetings, staff conversations, coalition spaces, and family dinners. It shows up anywhere people care deeply and disagree honestly. Some conversations are hard not because we are doing them wrong, but because they matter.

That is where the CLARA method comes in. CLARA is a simple framework that helps people stay connected during difficult conversations without shutting down, lashing out, or walking away. It does not make disagreement disappear, but it makes dialogue possible again.

CLARA stands for Calm, Listen, Affirm, Respond, and Add.

Where CLARA Comes From

The CLARA method was developed by the American Friends Service Committee, a Quaker organization rooted in peace building and nonviolence.

It was originally created as a de-escalation tool for nonviolent direct action and protest. Over time, it has been adapted by educators, facilitators, and community leaders to support constructive dialogue in schools, workplaces, and civic spaces.

At its core, CLARA reflects a belief that dignity, curiosity, and accountability can coexist, even when emotions are high. You can learn more about its origins at afsc.org.

The Five Parts of CLARA

Calm

Start with yourself. Before engaging, take a breath. Notice your body. Regulate your nervous system as best you can. CLARA assumes that how we show up matters as much as what we say. The goal is not to suppress emotion, but to respond rather than react.

Listen

Listen to understand, not to prepare your rebuttal. What is underneath what the other person is saying? What values or experiences might be shaping their perspective? Listening does not mean agreeing. It means staying curious long enough to hear what is actually being offered.

Affirm

Acknowledge something that makes sense in their perspective. This might sound like, “I can see why that feels important to you,” or “That sounds really frustrating.” Affirming is not conceding your position. It is recognizing the humanity in the room.

Respond

Share your perspective clearly and honestly. Speak from your own experience or values. Avoid defensiveness when you can. Name what matters to you and why. This is where clarity lives.

Add

Look for a way forward. What shared ground exists, even if it is small? What next step, question, or agreement could help the conversation continue productively? Adding is about building, not winning.

Why We Use CLARA

I have used CLARA in public health coalitions, community engagement sessions, staff retreats, and yes, family conversations. It does not magically fix conflict. What it does is create enough structure and safety for people to stay in relationship while working through difference. At Freya + Co, we believe clarity and compassion are not opposites. They are a powerful pair. CLARA helps hold both, especially when the stakes feel high and the room feels divided.

Want to Try It Yourself?

If you are navigating difficult conversations in your organization or community, CLARA can be a helpful place to start.